neVer forgeT

Today turned out not to be as bad as I expected. As the 1 year anniversary of the Virginia Tech shootings, I expected to relive all the sadness and emotional instability of the week that started with April 16, 2007. I've had today on my mind for the past week, remembering all of the sadness I experienced myself as well as all of the grief I saw friends experience from afar. Thinking about how the university community was forever tarnished, and how so many people lost their lives, will always make me sad.

However, today I felt renewed. It almost felt like a fresh start, like a day to celebrate that yes, we made it. I really believe that today represents an important milestone in the healing process. That we made it to today helps to signify that we can make it to next year, and the year after that, and so on, without losing our minds, wallowing in grief, or forgetting to live ourselves. Granted, it is much harder for those who lost loved ones or dear friends, but I hope that reaching this point is helping them as well.

I wore an orange shirt today, and yesterday I encouraged other students and faculty through our social mailing list to consider wearing maroon or orange. I didn't see very many people in the department today since I was in my lab most of the time, but I did see people wearing those colors. It was nice to think that people were silently showing support. As I was thinking about things this past week I was worried that people might ask me questions about the shootings, especially people that weren't here last year but do know I went to VT. Thankfully no one did, as I think I may have fallen apart being asked much of anything.

It was an emotional day, but for the most part the emotion stayed inside and in the back of my mind. It came to the forefront only as I watched the commemoration speech webcast on the VT website. Hearing the names of each victim and a few sentences about them only served to remind me how real people died that die, real people with hopes and dreams, family and friends, plans for the future that will now never happen. It only served to remind me that they never had the chance to say "goodbye." It was enough that I had to pause the webcast a few times to keep from being overwhelmed. It was enough that just thinking about it is affecting me now.

As was said before, we will prevail. Although parts of this day were rough, making it to the end is a sign that we will indeed prevail, even it will take time. I hope that everyone else thinking about the Hokies today were also able to find strength for the future, and that everyone will be OK. I truly believe that we will be.

The Place I Love, that Bleeds Orange and Maroon

At the end of May Tim and I started a road trip across country. We began in New England, drove down to VA, drove across I-40, and then up to San Francisco. I continued on to WA afterward for my summer internship, whereas Tim stayed in Palo Alto for his own experience with getting paid.

Although the first few stops were to see family and old friends (including a friend of mine's wedding), our first stop after the trip truly began was in Blacksburg. I hadn't been back since the summer after I graduated, so I certainly wasn't going to miss the opportunity.



Since we were short on time, we decided to bike around campus. Conveniently we had both of our bikes on the back of my car. The ironic part about this aspect of the adventure is that I have never biked in Blacksburg. When I lived in the dorms I walked, which made sense given all of the stairs, hills, and winter weather. When I lived off campus I took the bus, drove, or walked to get to campus and then walked around throughout the day. Thanks to the speed of biking I was able to show Tim much of campus in only a few short hours, including the duck pond where we sat for a rest. I certainly didn't sit around campus enough when I was in school.



The last time I was at VT, the stadium was undergoing renovations. The South End Zone was complete, but the West Side was still under construction including the press box. It was absolutely amazing to see the finished product. Even the sign outside is monstrous, so of course I had to stand in front of it. The end result of the construction is actually very beautiful, thanks to the design as well as our wonderful Hokie Stone. If you ever get a chance to go to a Hokie football game at Lane Stadium, be sure to check out the outside of the stadium. And of course I highly recommend attending a Hokie football game at least once in your life (preferably at least once a season, but even I can't manage that!).



Of course this was also the first time I had been to VT since the shootings in April. It was heart wrenching to walk around the memorial, and see Norris blocked off with fences, tape, and security guards. At this point they still hadn't decided what to do with it, so it could have been the last time I ever saw it standing. It was almost surreal to stand there, remembering all the times I walked through the front doors for class up on the second floor.



I also showed Tim the War Memorial, and on our way over there we saw many trees tied with black, orange, and maroon ribbons. They seemed like a fitting gesture to show that the entire campus was affected, but would pull together. With the majority of students gone for the summer, it was as if they were the silent guard.



One can never visit VT without a picture at the alumni mall (Torgersen Bridge), so of course we swapped cameras with another couple that was there. Although bad things did happen at my glorious Alma Mater, the campus is still beautiful and as wonderful as I remember it being. I'm glad I was able to visit, and although it made the April events seem even more real (if that were possible) it also brought a sense of closure. I have returned, all is as well as it could be, and it will be even better next time.

You're breaking my heart!

I've been vaguely following the news on dog fights at Michael Vick's house this summer, as in I read the headlines and occasionally the story. The newest word on the street seems to be that he was indeed involved, and even helped kill poor performing dogs. Maybe he was killing the poor performing dogs because they were in really bad shape and it would be cruel to keep them alive? But that doesn't really help since he would have been one of the reasons they were in such a state to begin with.

Ever since Vick was at VT I've been a fan. I first saw him play when I was in high school! I found his brother Marcus to be a self-obsessed trouble maker, but Michael never seemed that way. Obviously I assumed that he had no idea about what was going on at the house, because it was definitely logical that he'd let family or friends stay there without him. It's not like he's hurting for cash. I've believed in him this whole time, and now he's letting me down??

If it turns out that he is indeed guilty, my heart will break. Well, it probably won't break completely but there will be some damage. He was such a talented player and seemed to be a nice guy at the same time! I was so proud that he had gone to my university. Are there any great football players out there who aren't letting their fame and talent go to their heads?? I'm beginning to doubt that they exist.

Of course maybe it will turn out Michael is innocent; but it sounds like they are working on a plea deal, so what are the odds? I'll keep believing until it's final, just in case. I'm sure I'm not the only Hokie that will be incredibly disappointed, although obviously we've survived much worse disappointments.

Once a Hokie, Always a Hokie

The past week has been so very rough for all of us due to the shootings on my beloved Virginia Tech campus. I am happy to report that no one I knew was injured or killed, including my brother, although many of my friends' friends were not so lucky. Whenever I check Facebook I see messages about dead friends from those on my friends list, and new groups in honor of the victims, the administration, and the school. There is so much grief, but yet there is a determination and spirit as well. Nikki Giovanni was so right when she said We are Virginia Tech. We will prevail!

Maybe someone from another school wouldn't see it or understand it, but you don't stop being a Hokie when you graduate. You don't stop being a Hokie if you drop out. You don't even have to go to VT to be a Hokie. And as was demonstrated in a horrible way on Monday, you don't stop being a Hokie even in death. Virginia Tech For Life is an alumni motto, but I think Virginia Tech for Life and Beyond might be a better fitting one. You know what we say: If God isn't a Hokie, why do the leaves turn orange and maroon?.

Being so far from home when something like this happens it just terrible. I want to be able to go to the vigils at VT and support my Hokies. Even though I didn't lose anyone I knew, I still lost members of my Hokie Family. My friends are suffering, and I can't be there for them. I spoke to my mother on instant messenger for hours last Monday as she filled me in on details that she got on the local news before they reached me on the Internet or TV. I checked up on people via Facebook because cellphones weren't always working, and I don't have everyone's number anyway.



It has been wonderful to see such support from around the country though. At my current school we had a vigil on Thursday night to honor the victims and help everyone find some peace. It was fabulous to see such a great turnout, and to meet other Hokies that were also so far from home. We all cried (at least we alumni did), there was beautiful music, and everyone had the chance to write a note to send to VT. My boyfriend wrote "I never knew what true school spirit was until I met a Virginia Tech graduate." and then continued about how VT would prevail and survive. That touched me so much, especially because it was straight from his heart.

Also, last Friday was Hokie Hope Day, also called Orange and Maroon Effect Day, and was devised by VT alumni. It was great to see the word spread through the internet and finally through the Alumni Association. Many people in my department wore maroon and/or orange to show their support, and it truly touched my heart.

The world lost many wonderful people last Monday, and the world continues to grieve. I am happy to say a week later that the healing has begun. Although it will be difficult for a long time for those that lost loved ones and friends, they will pull through. It is a tragedy that something so horrible could happen to such a wonderful university, but Virginia Tech has a community that will pull together and rally. They will support each other, even as the alumni support them with our thoughts and prayers from far away. Virginia Tech is not weak enough to fall by the actions of one man. Although there is much heartache, confusion, and disbelief, one day the Hokie Nation will return to normal. We will never forget, and our mourning will last for a long time, but we will triumph over our fears and sadness.

We are Virginia Tech, and We will prevail!